Are You Standing in the Path of Growth?

I was in the kitchen hurriedly preparing dinner - once again and my teen is emptying the dishwasher. Here we are tripping over each other to get it all done. My teen just wanted to do her task, I needed to get supper prepared, and the bulk of dishes done so after dinner we could head out. All of a sudden my kitchen seemed very small! The help was great, but she was in my way and she felt the same!

Sometimes the best way we can help is to get out of the way!

This is perhaps most true for parents! We want our kids to succeed and we want to help them reach their goals - we want it so badly we try to make it happen when what they REALLY need is the confidence that comes from learning to make it happen themselves. We need to get out of the way!

But What if they Fail?

What if they fail? have you failed? I have!

We all fail.  It is a part of life and the earlier we learn to make a plan for how we can change or failure into success the easier life will be!

Failure Has Natural Consequences

Are you preventing your student from feeling the effects of failure? If so, it's time to get out of the way and let nature take its course!

As preteens and teens:
If they don't dress warmly - they should feel cold!

Or do you make them dress appropriately? Do you bring extra things?

If they don't eat, or bring a snack - they should be hungry!

Or are you reminding? packing lunches? bringing extra snacks? stopping at a drive-thru?

If they don't finish their work - they shouldn't have time to go out with friends!

Or are you finding a solution? Allowing them to do it later? Afraid to disappoint them and their friends?

This is the perfect time to require our burgeoning young adults to take on more responsibility.

It's time for them to learn to manage their time, set their own goals and learn what happens naturally when they fail.

It's time to allow them fail! It will hurt less now than when they're 20!

How to Prepare for Failure

It's ok for your kids to fail! Tell them.

Tell them it's time for them to take on some of the responsibility that should be theirs and that from now on you will not be responsible for.... whatever it is you are prepared to give over!

Then get out of the way. They may test you - they may leave with no coat or boats or mitts... just bit your tongue momma! Don't say a thing - just smile to yourself and wait for the drama!

"I'm cold!"

"I'm not surprised. Why are you cold?"

"I didn't bring my coat."

"No you didn't. I'm sorry you're cold. That must be difficult. What will you do next time?"


No guilt - no lecture. Just understand - care but do not bail them out. Do not give them yours. Their coat is their responsibility. They'll remember next time!

See the pattern?

The Hard Part is Our Own Self-Control!

It's hard to bite your tongue. It's hard to see them cold. It's hard to know that that other parent is wondering why you didn't dress them better. It's hard not to lecture or rant or guilt.

Parenting is hard. That's our responsibility.

How to Move Forward toward Success

1. Get out of the Way! When we get out of the way and allow natural consequences - when we learn self-discipline to control our own actions and words our students will learn naturally!
   

2. Develop a Growth Mindset in your life and in your home!
   Growth Mindset is a way of seeing success and failure - it is a way of thinking that allows us to celebrate growth instead of perfection. It allows us to set goals and work toward them even on hard days!

Watch my live training to help you get started for yourself and learn to work with your preteen and teen to change the success trajectory in your home!

My Preteen or Teen NEEDS This...

You know your student needs help with this and your feelings of frustration and failure in this area may possibly be overwhelming. You have tried again and again to be consistent and self-disciplined - I know. I'm human too! I've been there!

Know that there is hope. You can grow too, but on your road to growth you may just not have the bandwidth available in your life to also teach the skills to your students who are so quickly growing into adults.

It won't be long before they are out on their own and they need these skills to succeed in ways that only God can imagine!

If this is you - reach out. I teach students starting 3 terms a year, to set goals and work towards them, to become critical thinkers, persuasive writers and confident speakers!

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I Don't Have Time For THIS! Can't We Just Chat?

I get it - time is our most precious commodity! Contact me to set up a time for a quick chat to discuss your concerns for your student, and learn how Discern To Learn will make a difference for them!

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email: Support@DiscernToLearn.com

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